I was probably 12? My best friend at the time was a year older. We both went to sleep away camp in North Carolina for the summer. Because of our age difference, we were separated into different cabins.
My first year there, I requested (well, my parents requested on my behalf) to be placed in the cabin with my best friend. Little did I know how this one seemingly innocent desire would impact my personal power.
There was a “mean girl” in my cabin. (Isn’t that always the case?) Her nickname was "Mouse". She was placed there, as A Course in Miracles teaches, to be the tormentor that became my mentor.
I remember this one time I borrowed a hair scrunchie (hello 80’s) from Mouse. I went to take a shower and left it on my bunk. When I came back from the shower, the scrunchie was gone. And of course, Mouse immediately accused me of losing it. How convenient.
Big drama ordeal later, I relented to buying her some canteen stuff from my account to get her off my back. I knew deep down what had happened, how she decided this would somehow make her feel better from whatever demons plagued her.
But nonetheless, it made me feel weak and I loathed myself for a long time due this ONE CHILDHOOD INCIDENT. Even as an adult, I recalled this experience and felt my insides churning that I didn't have the guts to tell Mouse to go fuck herself. (Not that I recommend anyone handling their tormentor this way.)
This is how the fall from confidence starts. One situation, that we create a story around, that we decide is the truth-telling moment of our own self-worth.
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I actually had to do some Tapping and releasing around this issue. Because as silly and stupid as it seems, I held a HUGE energy block here. My subconscious was trapped in the wrath of Mouse.
I am fortunately now in a place that I can recognize my tormentors for what they are, teachers. Mouse taught me that the only one that can devalue myself is ME. You think she is still obsessing over the scrunchie incident? I think not.
I am 100% responsible for working through whatever my tormentors trigger within me.
So instead of lashing out with anger, I ask myself what kind of wisdom exists in this relationship, and how can I grow. More importantly, I do not allow them to dictate my confidence, personal power, and self-worth.
So today, if I experienced another Mouse in the exact same situation, I would still hand over whatever she wanted from the canteen. But this time I would do it with love, and as I placed the food-stuffs in her hands, I would say, “I forgive you, I forgive myself”.
How many “Mouse moments” are stuck in your subconscious and keeping you small?
Here’s what some are saying about my services…