I am a firm believer in coaches having coaches, therapists having therapists. Because the reality is we need people to call us out on our shit when we are too ingrained to see what is going on. This is the first step to igniting change. AWARENESS.
The only exception to this idea is for those who prefer to stay stuck in their insanity, and are content with their head buried in the sand. And for some, this works well for them, or they aren’t ready and the timing isn’t right. No judgment here. Truly.
My coach said something to me one day during a session as I was spinning in circles over something that I can’t even remember right now, and while I understand this tendency to happen from a therapist point of view, the way she said it really stuck. She said something like this to me…
“Think about the story that you are telling yourself right now, that YOU, and only you, created as your truth.”
And she was dead on. I created this dramatic scene, and decided it was so. I then replayed this story in my head over and over again, which was incredibly overwhelming and anxiety provoking.
Here’s the thing… we do this ALL THE TIME!
Think about all the stupid stories you created that somewhere along the lines that became your truth.
Here are a couple of my own:
1. Back in 2005 I thought that building a 3000 square foot “dream” home with 4 bedrooms, a den, 3 baths, and a grand open kitchen / living area for just myself and the husband would bring me happiness.
Fortunately, I did have the sense to realize, before this came to fruition, that all this would bring me is a larger electric bill and more square footage to clean.
And ultimately, happiness is generated within. No material thing can give you lasting happiness. Because eventually you lose it or drop it, it breaks, and then you sweep it up, and it goes in the trash. End of story.
2. Talking on the phone means I will get anxiety. Therefore, I need to avoid talking on the phone.
Yes, seriously. This one goes waaayyyyyy back to when I was a kid (as many of our stories do).
I can’t even explain the ridiculousness of this idea, or how it got started, but I vaguely remember as a child wanting my parents to call my friends for me to see if they could come over. I literally had stress over talking on the phone.
To work myself out of this one, I did some Tapping (thank god for EFT), and just journaled, specifically pointing out the 85% of the time where I talk on the phone just fine.
At the very beginning of my career, this stupid story actually got in the way of me doing business. Really? For what?
Take an inventory of some of the unreal ideas that you have made your truth. Some may be small and appear silly, and you can recognize them for what they really are. Then do a quick mindset adjustment.
Some stories are more involved, a means of self-protection and survival, and you may need some help maneuvering out of it. I see this a lot when it comes to some of my clients that have experienced some form of trauma or have been through a difficult life event. It usually involves forming opinions about their self-worth, or defining relationships in a very unhealthy way.
The beauty of awareness is that you then have the power to change. YOU get to decide what stories to keep, the ones that are life affirming and positive, and which ones to ditch as they are dragging you through the mud.